INLAND EMPIRE

Director:
David Lynch

Writer:
David Lynch

I loved "LOST HIGHWAY" and "MULHOLLAND DRIVE". This film, however, is stranger than both of those films combined. Pieced together from random scenes Lynch would shoot here and there, the film is essentially two movies. Much like "MULLHOLLAND", the first half of the film is easy to follow and the latter half is incomprehensible.

The first problem with "EMPIRE" is the staggering fact that film is 3 hours long and in Lynch's hands we don't get substance, we get weird, seemingly uneccessary scene after bizarre, unexplainable scene. Upon first viewing, the last half hour of the film is almost pointless, but I revisited the film recently and made up my own story to explain the disparate images, and you know what? Maybe that's just what Lynch wanted us to do in the first place.

Laura Dern appears in front of Lynch's dream camera once again after the wonderfully eccentric "WILD AT HEART". Here she playes Nikki Grace, an actress that has just been cast in a film called "ON HIGH IN BLUE TOMORROWS". The problem is there appears to be some kind of curse on the film because the first time they tried to make they film, the leads were killed. Now, it appears, she finds herself in they very same predicament, among other things that I'd like to let you discover on your own.

This is such an unruly beast of a picture that no film critic would be able to give you an accurate description of the plot. Lynch himself says he doesn't really know what the film is about and abhors people that try to find explanation in things that just are. This film just is. That is the best way to explain it, and that's a good thing. A major proponent of Trancendental Meditation (his book "CATCHING THE BIG FISH" was great and focused mainly on this subject...I read it in a day), Lynch provides a slice of his subconcious on consumer-grade DV.

The film was shot apparently over a 4 year span, and that definitely adds to the disjointed atmosphere, but let's face it, that would have been there anyway. The film begins with a plot and then devolves into what can only (to me) be explained as Dern's fears and anxieties made real. That's the only way I could see the film making any sense. Dern weaves in and out of rooms with dancing prostitues, imagines a rabbit-family sitcom, and has the strangest conversations imaginable. But in that last conversation on the streets of Hollywood blvd with that chinese girl, the most discerning film lover will definitely be able to grasp some sort of meaning, which is not for me to say, but for you to find out if you wish to follow Mister Lynch yet again down his twisted rabbit hole of cinema.

VERDICT:
The weirdest of Lynch's films by far, and probably the most agonizing to sit through thanks to the running time. But the film holds a hypnotic power that lulls the viewer and draws them deeper into a semi-dream world worth exploring at least a couple of times.

WHAT IS IT?

(no stars...not even close)

Director:
Crispin Hellion Glover

Writer:
Crispin Hellion Glover

What is "WHAT IS IT?" You may ask, and I may answer "I have no fucking clue." This is without a doubt the weirdest, most random film I will ever review on this blog. Oh yes! Even more random than anything Lynch, Maddin, or Korine can throw my way. Compared to Glover, those guys are Joseph Campbell! This film is so random that the only way to review it is by matching it random bit for random bit. My apologies for what follows, but if you saw the movie you'd understand. Here we go!

Snail's talking in whispers and then screaming when a down syndrome kid pours salt on them. Snails voiced by Fairuza Balk from "THE CRAFT". Glover is the devil. An old guy with cerebral palsy getting a blow job from a girl in a monkey mask. Another girl in an animal mask with massive breasts walking around a fog shrouded set right out of "PLAN 9". Glover is the lead kid's inner-psyche. Down syndrome kids performing their own version of "FIGHT CLUB". Shirley Temple. Nazis. Labias. People in black-face and snail juice. Thrones. Seriously deformed people in flanel. Racist Johnny Rebel music. Golden halos of holly. People stoning the down syndrome kids. Shovels hitting lopsided heads. Watermelons being smashed. Giant clams. Big, weird, giant clams. Handicapped blowjobs. Detergent box puppets. Papier Mache volcanoes. Glover is pissing me off. Overly made-up handi-capables coming on to Glover, wanting to be his girlfriend. A praying mantis eating a retarded person. No Script. No point. No reason to exist.

I think you get the idea what this 72 minute waste of time is all about. Glover calls it a reaction to Hollywood bullshit and apparently fills the film with tons and tons of symbolism. That's all well and good, but when the film in actuality amounts to absolutely nothing then its just as bad as the Hollywood trash he's raging against. The images mean nothing and the casting of people with down syndrome was not a stunt, according to Glover, but what does it mean then? Only retarded people would appear in his films? What does that say about Fairuza balk?

Is this art? Well, yeah, by definition it is. Does it force us to open our eyes to the world around us and see things different? No, not really. Is it a powerful statement about anything? No, nothing. Does it help us reevaluate anything? No. The film serves no purpose except maybe to waste your time, money, and faith in experimental cinema.

I was really hoping for an interesting art film with some unique elements, but what I got turned my stomach and worse than that, it bored me. Glover will not say what the film is about, and I wager it is because he has no clue. I will also wager he takes a lot of non-perscription drugs. The funny thing is that he is a very personable and regular guy in real life. In fact, the only way to see this un-masterpiece is to attend one of Glover's roadshows, which I did. The best part was when he read from his equally bizarre and pointless books, because he came alive as a person and an artist. In this film, he basically sends experimental film a thousand years back. I can gaurantee that this slow, turgid, unsufferable and incredibly politically incorrect piece of garbage will not be gracing your TVs anytime soon. That being said, if you can find this turd, get it! It'd make for one hell of a MST3K night! I guarentee you that you won't believe your eyes.

VERDICT:

This severely perverse and ridiculous film is neither enjoyable or interesting. Only the pain-loving film freaks would get anything out of this tortuous and pointless waste of time, and that is only if they can ever find it! But why would you look?

BRAND UPON THE BRAIN

*

Director:

Guy Maddin

Writers:

Guy Maddin

George Toles

Guy Maddin is probably the most unique and inventive filmmaker working in cinema today. That being said, I am not a fan of his films. Although, I loved the awkward and bizarre “SADDEST MUSIC IN THE WORLD”, the rest of his oeuvre has not thrilled me.

Word got out that he had put together another silent-film that was touring theaters as part of a live show. I put my feelers out to track the show dates down found out that the film was coming to the Egyptian theater in Los Angeles, thanks to the wonderful film fans at the American Cinematheque. My wife Jessica and I were lucky enough to catch the show which provided the stark black and white film with live foley and narration from Italian horror movie goddess Barbara Steele, who helped make “BLACK SUNDAY” a memorable film experience. If we had watched it without all this fun stuff going on onstage, we’d have certainly fallen asleep.

I will try my best to describe the plot to you, but honestly it was all over the place and I’m sure I’m going to loose a few plot points here and there. Basically, a man (called Guy Maddin, no less, and played serenely by Erik Steffen Maahs) returns to the lighthouse orphanage his parents owned and where he and his sister spent their childhood. The memories of the olden days flood back in and we flashback to an event in his younger years when strange marks appeared on the heads of the orphans and a couple of kid detectives show up to uncover the truth behind the strange experimentation being performed on the children.

Employing startlingly authentic black and white photography and blurry title card, you’d believe it if they told you the film was old. But as much as I enjoyed the look and feel of the film, the story was incomprehensible and boring, which is the worst sin a film could ever commit. The acting is fine and the locations (what can be seen of them) are interesting. But the directing and the story are muddled and both my wife and I found ourselves lost a number of times and losing interest quickly. Maddin reminds me of Lynch. These are two guys who make films for themselves and no one else and there is nothing wrong with that.

VERDICT:

Cramming lesbianism, mad-scientist fathers, a suicidal mother, and Nancy Drew-like antics, this film is a can’t-miss for film scholars. However, even the most seasoned filmgoer will have a tough time sitting through the film’s plodding 95 minute running time.

The INDIANA JONES of movie watching.

My name is Jose Prendes and I am a filmmaker and writer. But primarily, I am a film lover. Too put it bluntly, I am a film nerd of the highest order and have decided to put together this blog to showcase some the most unusual, or dare I say, hard-to-watch films out there.

I'm not talking about the blood-and-guts stuff or Roger Corman goodies. For that stuff you can check out my other writing gig at http://strictlysplatter.com/. Here I will focus on obscure foreign and Indie films that you may or may not have heard of.

My goal is to provide you with in-depth info on the films that casual and even the die-hard film fans normally stay away from.

I will not be afraid to watch anything...ANYTHING! This is my promise to you. As long as it is a real film, I will do my best to track it down and give that sucker a watch, then report back to you all here.

Consider me the Indiana Jones of movie watching.

It is 5:06 pm on a cold Wednesday night in Los Angeles as I type these words. So, without further ado, let's begin the adventure...